SONG I WROTE FOR DALLAS

There's a new world somewhere , they call the seventh sun
And if you ever go there , tell them you're the one
You're the one that makes me happy, you're the one that brings me joy
Then you tell them that you are my baby boy

My baby boy, my baby boy
then you tell them that you are my baby boy
then you tell them that you are
You are my shining star
then you tell them that you are my baby boy!


I wrote this when he was about 3 months old..I used to put him on my chest and sing to him. we would sleep sometimes for 6 hours in one position...

Now hes 5 1/2 and is starting kindergarten in a few weeks..I have been watching him all of his life ...then laney came along and I watched both of them all their lives while their mom went to work..she works nights so they would spend 3 nights a week at my house..they moved out of my house and back in twice so they've been with me all of their lives..Now my job of watching them is over..they will both be going to school soon and now its my time to find out what I want to be when I grow up..lol

TODAY WAS SPOSE TO BE MY DAUGHTERS WEDDING DAY....BUT

instead I cry with a broken heart..shes okay..she puts on a front that shes okay and I think she will be..She has to hurt..no matter what she tells me..she said "I'm okay mom, I don't hurt and I'm not mad anymore"!..I said I was glad..now if WE can just get through this day...after all I am the Mother of the Bride.. bottom line is I am her mother..and just like when she stepped on glass on the playground and had to go to the hospital..I could feel her pain right in the pit of my stomach..just like when she broke her arm on the same playground,, I remember feeling the pain..if I could have taken all of her pain I would have...Today is no different..I hurt for her...I hurt because she hurts..shes still my little girl..she is my baby..she really is the youngest of 4 children...She has a great group of friends that have been there for her..she called the wedding off about 2 months ago and at first it was hell..but as time goes on shes starting to come back...but its just that TODAY WAS SPOSE TO BE HER WEDDING DAY!!!

This is dedicated to my four beautiful granddaughters

I would love to honor my four beautiful granddaughters..Shai'ana (15), Gabriella (5), Dellaney (4) and baby girl Jolie who just turned one yesterday(August 25, 2009) with this poem..I did not write this poem but it says everything I want to say to them..

GRANDMA'S WORDS OF WISDOM

I've traveled paths you've yet to walk
Learned lessons old and new
And now this wisdom of my life
I'm blessed to share with you
Let kindness spread like sunshine
Embrace those that are sad
Respect their dignity, give them joy
And leave them feeling glad
Forgive those that might hurt you
And though you have your pride
Listen carefully to their viewpoint
Try to see the other side
Walk softly when you're angry
Try not to take offense
Invoke your sense of humor
Laughters power is immense
Express what you are feeling
your beliefs you should uphold
don't shy away from what is right
Be courteous and bold
Keep hope right in your pocket
It will guide you day to day
Take it out when it is needed
when its near, you'll find away
Remember friends and family
of which you are a precious part
Love deeply and love truly
Give freely from your heart
The world is far from perfect
Theres conflict and theres strife
But you still can make a difference
By how you live your life
And so I'm very blessed to know
The wonders you will do
Because you are my granddaughters
And I believe in you!!

I hope I live long enough to see what each of you becomes in life..just for curiosity!! whatever you dream you can achieve..and remember babies even if you don't see me ..I am there! Love Grandmom

And he just turned and said."It's a miracle"!

To be truthful I didn't realize he even knew what miracle meant..but he sure used it in the right context...Dallas...oh the ever so wise little five year old boy...he just got his glasses last
Thursday...and hes so cool..he is not bothered one bit about wearing them ..he functions as if they've always been on his face...He was playing a game on my laptop that hes played many times before ..he lifted the glasses up a bit to compare how he used to see to how he sees now.....as he placed them back on I said "You can really see much clearer now can't you"?, he put his glasses back on and he just turned to me and said, "It's a miracle,"! I cried like a baby and I hugged him and I said "Yes it is baby,,,yes it is"!..

What did I do this summer??/

I really have to say that I had a very busy and fulfilling summer..It may not sound like it to some but I saw all 7 of my grandkids this summer often..I had 3 different pizza pj parties...the first one only 5 could show up...parents of the other two had conflicting work schedules... the second one consisted of two of the ones from the first one and the 2 that couldn't make it to the first one and the third one was with the same two from the first and second one and my God grandson ...I just like to keep the kids together often...and especially cause summer is not that long and I wanted all of them before school started because all but one will be in school this year...one will enter the 10th grade..one will enter 1st grade..one will enter kindergarten ..2 will enter head start or pre -k and the one year old will spend some quality time alone with her mom...its a good thing all the way around..we did lots of things together as a family this summer..a few parties at Nockamixon State Park ..where theres a swimming pool that is out of this world...one part is 11" and the deep end is like 6 feet with sliding boards winding into it...one part has buckets that constantly fill up and if you stand under it ..it will pour the water over your head...mad fun..we are always exhausted at the end of one of these outings...So tonight is the last pizz party (the third one)...the boys are playing game cube and the one girl is putting train tracks together...lol..I am tired...we didn't have pizza tonight ..instead my oldest son(who lives with me,,Uncle Bobby) made spaghetti and meatballs...they love Uncle Bobbys spaghetti and meatballs...it's late and its time for bed...Good night...

I've always wanted to write a book...

My book would have to have something to do with my mother..its the one thing in my life that I am not satisfied with....if I die today or tomorrow I will not be happy with the way things are...yet I feel helpless to change it. Without making this blog a book I just have to say that no matter how old you get you want your mom..The sad part about my mom and mines relationship is that there is none...and she is alive ..she is 76 years old..lives about 40 minutes away from me ..shes healthy and able bodied..I'm in worse shape than she is....shes a widow and lives alone..

I was raised in a two parent household...very hard working middle class family...my mother is an only child...a decision my grandmother regretted later in life...how do I know ??'' I asked her one time ...she (my grandmother, who by the way was more of a mother to me) was sitting in her rocking chair on the back porch and I was on the lounge chair...and we were both dissappointed at my mom this day for some reason...and I said, "Mommom, do you regret not having more children..and she said, "yes, I wish I would have had more...!

My mom was in my life when I was 18 and got married the first time..she didn't like my first husband,,but they allowed the wedding and helped to put together a beautiful outdoor wedding on a nice hill on a farm..it was nice...he was only 17 and they had to sign for us to get married..they did because we threatened to run way to Maryland and get married..cause we were so in love...hmmm...well that marriage lasted exactly one year to the day...meantime I gave birth to a son 9 months after we were married...when the baby was 2 months old I left him and moved back in with my parents...I did this seven times..with a Uhaul truck each time moving my things back and forth..looking back..it was ridiculous...but I was so young..Well after he seventh time that was it...I got myself together and got a job...making televisions...well thats where I met my second husband...I won't dwell on this because ... well after 15 years and 3 more children .. it failed too..he decided crack was more important than us...anyway...so this is about my mom...

Anyway Philco-Ford (job where I met 2nd hubby) was laying off..were relocating to Florida where labor was cheaper...so me and the one who would be my second husband moved to South Carolina so we could live with his mother who had just lost her husband...my mother wasn't be at her house when I left..her and my dad went to the shore and called me right before I was to leave..we were driving from Pennsylvania to South Carolina...about 12 hours...she said if I left she would "disown" me....You see my second husband was black...I didn't know until then that it mattered...it wasn't something that was never really discussed in my family..I grew up in a prodominately white middle class suburb of Philadelphia, Pa...my husband was from the city ...where most of the employees were from at that time..they came in on the train from Philly...

So I went anyway...again I was in love...but my mom and dad came to visit us twice in the four years we lived there..I had my first daughter (2nd child) in South Carolina in July of 1975.

Two months before her birth I got a phone call from one of my brothers ( I am the oldest by 2 years) saying that my dad was depressed and suicidal because my mom had left him for another man...(whom she eventually married). Well I was my fathers only girl and the oldest and I had to get to him..So being 7 months pregnant and dragging my then 3 year old son with me I hopped on the Amtrak train and took the 14 hour ride to my fathers house...I stayed for a week and by the time I left he was better...Well when she left him she left us...by us I mean me and my 2 younger brothers..she divorced us too..

I remember taking my children every Sunday to my grandmoms..she had a home with 2 acres of land and they could really run around and we liked spending time with my grandmom..she is the epitimy of the word grandmother..from the apple pies and applesause..she even made some of our clothes..she was a seamstress for over 40 years....and my mon and her new husband would pull up and my grandmother would rumble under her breath..because they came for dinner on their way back from "the mountains'. where the two of them went every weekend...their regular home was right around the corner from my grandmom...my mom wouldn't give my grandmom a lot of attention...lot of responsiblility comes with being an only child...but they stopped in for dinner..it made my grandmom mad sometimes cause she felt used..At these dinner my mom would have no conversation with any of my kids...supposedly loved them and was over the "black" thing...I remember one time my brother and his wife and 2 kids came for dinner and my son and his cousin Bryan were throwing a nerf ball on the back porch and she hollered at them..well it made me holler at her...I told her that she didn't ask them how they were,.how they were doing in school so don't holler at them..

So needless to say we don't have a relationship. I have tried....I just wonder why at this point in her life why it doesn't matter...she must be willing to die without ever having a relationship with me or my brothers...so sad to me...so very sad!!!

THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE...

I'm at a point in my life where I really need to decide what it is that I want to do with the rest of it..Although I am 56 years old and have been through the "change of life" physically in a womans life..(didn't have it to bad actually)..I now will have the time I haven't ever had..I raised my four children alone for most of their lives because their father decided cocaine and crack were more important than us..I have always been there for my kids.. been to the births of all 7 of my grandchildren and Thank God I was able to do so...

I resigned due to physical disabilities from the U.S.POSTAL SERVICE on January 28, 2003...after 17 years of hard work...I now have degenrative arthritis in my knees , back and hips...Anyway one year to that date my third grandchild was born..It was a boy ..my oldest grandson Dallas...when my daughter left the hospital her and the father of Dallas played house for awhile...When Dallas was 9 days old I started babysitting him so that my daughter could go back to college...she was taking early childhood education to become a teacher or to own her own day care one day...

I would watch him for a few hours then put him in his car seat and go get his mom from school...this went on for months..my daughter is no longer in college and Dallas is now 5 1/2 years old and will be starting kindergarten in about 3 weeks...I am an emotional wreck right now..I have been with him all but about 40 days of his life...I even invented a song for him when I used to put him to sleep on my chest..we would rock and sing for literally hours...

Now they don't need me like they used to and believe me I am glad of that,,but now I won't see him for days at a time..they lived with me most of his life..my daughter just moved out after moving in with me again when she broke off her engagement..Now they just moved back to the house...(shes not back with baby daddy ,,but he is helping to provide a home for his 2 children...)
Dallas has a baby sister Dellaney who just turned 4 and I have gotten very close to her too..I love all of my grandchildren but these two have been with me almost every day...

So now I'm feeling the empty nest which I waited for years to arrive..I just worry about them..I just feel like no one can take care of them like I do...even when their mom was around I would take care of them the most ..I think!

So now its itme for me to keep busy...I have things around the house that I want to sort out but that won't take forever..what do I want to do to make money?? I have a few things I'm throwing around in my head...not sure yet...will keep you posted...

TODAY REALLY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE!!

Today is Sunday August 16, 2009 and I just had a bonanza on Bonanzle and sold nothing..I think I have some aweome items..been slow lately.. so slow in fact that I didn't even owe any money this month..Not good...The bonanza was 20% deducted off of the regular price...I have a brand new David's Bridal bridesmaid gown...never worn..mermaid color size 8 that was bought for $155.oo..I have it listed normally for $150.00 with free shipping...during the bonanza it was going for $120.00...$30.00 off..can't beat that..but the right eyes didn't see it...my daughters custom made bracelets which normally sell for $46.00 were going for $36.00 ...she's not making a profit of any kind with the normal price let alone the sale price...but no sales...I'm totally dissapointed...I tweeted the sale..I put it and a link to Bonanzle and my booth on both of my facebook pages...I emailed about 20 friends and asked them to say hi to me in my chat window if they came to visit...I asked them to visit my booth because they loved me and wanted to support me...but nothing..a few people showed up in my booth and said "Good Luck with your bonanza"., but nothing...not one sale ...I guess I'm ranting...I put lots of work into this and so did lots of others and I see lots didn't make any sales either..someone said the "summer slump" seems to be over because they did so well in their booth...well I beg to differ..this is my worst month since I've been on Bonanza...not sure I want to expend that much energy again..this is my second BIG BLOCK PARTY TYPE SALE..not sure its the best thing for me....