I'm beginning to become one of those people that does not look forward to Christmas..I am thinking of enjoying the day by myself..my kids just are starting to get on my nerves..2 are always fighting over ridiculous things..the tradition is that we all come to Grandmoms house (thats me) for Christmas..Thanksgiving is already like that..they do their own things with their own families and I get to just chill for the day...I'm thankful for that..but Christmas is a time for all 6 of the youngest grandchildren to get together..I try to get them together throughout the year for an overnight pizzas party at my house..we all live within a 15 mile radius of one another..but ya know life gets in the way sometimes and we dont always have the means or time to get them together more often...

Right now my 2 daughters are fighting..which isn't relly anything new ..and the youngest is stubborn and holds a grudge forever..so who knows if they will ever speak to each other again...maybe at my funeral..this happened 2 years ago and my oldest daughter and her family did not come to my house that year..that sucked...not sure what will happen this year...

Think I will cancel Christmas at grandmoms this year..the house isnt ready..I'm not ready..oh Christmas is still the birth of Jesus Christ and I will honor it as such...will send gifts to family...thats what most of it is about to some...will keep you posted on the events that occur from now until then...21 more days from today...

This Thanksgiving is off Kilter...

Thanksgiving is in 3 days..Not the same as it ever was this year..When I was growing up Thanksgiving was always at my grandmother and grandfathers house..(on my mothers side)..We could have been a Rockwell painting..there was the 5 of us and my grandmom and grandpop...my Uncle Alley ..who was my grandmothers brother who lived with them..and for awhile thats who was there..then as we grew up and had significant others and children it grew to 13 sometimes 15 of us...we had a great time..we would all purposely not eat a big breakfast..just a little something to hold us over ..cause we would be smelling food all day long...thats what we loved..and there was so much food..my mom and my grandmom always did the cooking together and me and my brother Barry did dishes..sometimes I would wash and my mom would dry or my grandmom...would clean up the kitchen and then go into the living room...the adults would watch Lawrence Welk and the kids would play games...the old traditional games..Candy Land, chutes and ladders, tiddly winks, play cards...then we would get ready and go home...

Things are so different now..grandmom and grandpop are gone...my mom never carried on the tradition..I did with my kids and theirs for a few years..then we all decided that on Thanksgiving each family would do their own thing..whether it was having dinner at their own homes or going to friends homes or the family of their significant others...but this year everything is out of whack...my daughters are fighting and my sons had an argument..my youngest son and his girlfriend broke up in May and his children will be spending most of the day with their mom and her family...I am going to my youngest daughters home to help her sort thru a lot of clothes and just spend a few days..shes a vegtetarian so as far as turkey I'm not sure whats going on there...my oldest daughter is hosting dinner this year but not for us ...for the other side of the family I guess...I know it will be a birthday party for my grandson Davion who just turned 6 included in there..I'm getting him and Gabbie (his sister, my granddaughter) pillow pets..wanted to have them for the 15th...his real birthdate..but that didnt work out..cause the stores that sell them dont sell all of them and I need the turtle and the unicorn....My oldest son who lives with me will stay home chillin...so thats the plan ...lets see how this plays out...Christmas is another story...tradition is no matter what ..everyone comes to my house..my oldest daughter and her family missed it a few years ago cause the girls were fighting them too...whats a mother to do?? so for Christmas will keep ya posted on that one...can't wait to experience this one...Happy Holidays!!!

Happy 81st Birthday Dad...R.I.P Miss you

This is one of the times of the year when I think about my dad the most..His birthday often fell on Thanksgiving..tomorrow will be his birthday. Thursday will be Thanksgiving..

Miss you dad...wish you were still here..You left way to young...only 2 1/2 years older than I am right now..Kind of puts that in perspective..What would you have been like at 81...you would have gotten to know my kids more...and probably Barry's kids too...we havent spoken in eight years..I know you don't like that..but he is stubborn so the rest of our lives will go on without knowing each other in our older years..such a shame how things go sometimes..and all for nothing..a misunderstanding..false accusations..but I've had to accept this and go on..Mom doesn't keep in touch..she's always been distant with all 3 of us...I wonder whos thinking of you today..if I had a way I would come visit your resting place...which will be my resting place one day..hopefully not for a long long time..I just have some health issues I have to handle..I am working on them...quit smoking 2 years ago..retired from the Po..about 7 years ago..for health reasons..but I have so much I want to do . . so I really need to handle some things in order to be able to do them..I have a new candy invention I want to work on too..maybe be like Famous Amos and become a sensation...set my family up for life..still playing your number..you know the one you always played...I haven't won on it yet ...but I won't give up just like you didn't..odds are it has to come out in a lifetime..just hope its when I've played it..I salute you when I win...what am I grateful for?? I'm grateful that i had such a wonderful, perfect father..I dont have any horror stories to look back on...no beatings, I dont evern remember you ever really hollering at me..I was a good kid...wonder why mom never liked me...I think its cause you and I got along so well..remember how that used to be said way back in the day...I have the best childhood memories ever..vacations, sunday rides to the country, picking dandelion and going home and eating it in the salad for dinner...I remember you hunting..I remember going with you one time..I remember riding with you in your milk truck...I remember how you always loved the dogs we had..tubby, pepper, pleto, my cat Marbles..who got squashed in the intersection at 4th and Line and I had to see him on my way home from school...think someone could have cleaned him up so no kid had to see that..there was the school a block away...I will continue tomorrow..thank you for the best life ever..because of you dad I am who I am..You always told me I was beautiful and that I could be Miss America if I wanted to be...wow...you're still the best in my heart...Good Night...Happy Birthday dad....Brenda...

Happy Birthday Little Dude...you're six today!!

Hey Dude,,,

Today is your 6th birthday...I wish for you the very happiest , funnest , bestest day ever...did the kids in school know it was your birthday?? were you shy when someone said Happy Birthday to you? or did you give them one of those famous smiles of yours..it really is the cutest...anyway grandmom just wanted to say I wish you a Happy Happy Birthday...

Makes us take a look back only a few short years ago...did you have issues and I can't believe how far you've come..You had and still have every allergy (almost) known to man...you drank the nastiest formula in the universe...the smell was horrible so I know the taste was too...but you drank it..and the foods you can and can't eat and the countless amount of creams and lotions and the hours your mom spent in caring for you..is just astronomical...(mom will tell you what that means..lol)

I want you to know that I love you very much and I am so proud of you..for being a good boy..for doing good in school and for taking care of yourself by knowing the foods and drinks you can and cannot have..Hopefully my prayer is that one day you will outgrow many of these obstacles...if not then you will just handle your business..that much I know..can't wait to see you and your sister...we'll have to have a Grandmom Pizza Pajama party over the holidays...Love you Little Man..

Love always,
Grandmom....

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES

Its just one of those days...where I had to question what my purpose is! I spose I've done that before but I cried this time..I sobbed...held my head and cried real tears...I was serious and sad...I don't exactly know what my purpose is...I've worked, I've raised my kids.,. I should be doing something now..I can't walk real good..I use a cane and have a walker that a friend gave me ...used to be her mothers..knees crack when I get up...and I have to get up at least 6 or more times during the night to pee... sometimes I don't make it all the way..cause it takes me so long to get there..In reality its only 12 steps away from my bedroomm..but I'm out of breath by the time I get there...then I have to make it back...don't want to live like this the rest of my life..I'm still very young and there are many things I want to do...I want to go to the zoo...I want to walk around the mall..I want to go to an amusement park and eat cotton candy again...go to the shore...and not in a wheel chair or with a walker...where I have to sit and rest every ten steps...I really serve no purpose any more..kids are busy with their lives...they keep in touch and help take care of me..but they don't need me anymore...I know theres something in this life that I can be of service to..I just have no idea what or where it is...wish I would have one of those lightbulb moments Oprah talks about...don't think I ever really had one of those..and I need one...I need motivation and I need to apply myself..I know all this...I do....I have inventions I wish I could get patented...but I can't afford it..isn't that something..you need money to get an invention on the table..what sense does that make..like poor people can't have great ideas....well I have a few....

Have a fantastic idea for a new candy...a play on an old candy...not sure why it hasn't been done already...so simple..I'm sure they will before I get to it...been on my table for years...only a few inexpensive ingredients...but I depend on others to get these things for me..I miss driving a car...dont miss the high bank note on a car..but I miss driving...I need a miracle for my family....I need a miracle...I believe in miracles....

Of all days to forget your glasses...

I remember walking past the cemetery and seeing a black mustang..I looked over cause he was passing us slow and looking at us...me and Connie...all of a sudden he lifted his hips up off the driver side and let us see him stroking himself...at first we were shocked...he let himself down..we laughed..Connie wasn't really sure she saw what she thought she saw because she didn't wear her glasses that day..she always wore her glasses..but not this day..we had walked "out town" on Main street to Woolworths..like we usually did on a Saturday morning..we got our allowances so we went to get a 45 record..I remember buying There's a Place in the Sun by Stevie Wonder...then this guy comes around..so he pulls off..slow ...and we kept walking..we were in our neighborhood and not scared at all..then he did it again..no one else was around..it was a quiet warm day...we just ignored him and he went away...we talked about it to each other..not sure we ever told anyone else...but it just came across my mind..Wonder if she remembers..I'm sure she will ...it's one of our many memories...like dating Barry Shaw and Ricky Ream...Oh My God...thats another story...

Me and Cathy skipped school so many times I can't even imagine how we passed school..but we did..we would borrow her sisters car and Cathy did most of the driving..we had to be 16..we stayed overnight on the weekends..would tell our parents that we were at a concert sponsored by a local radio station and it was an all weekend concert...could we stay?? back them they always said sure..we were "good kids" so they thought..I mean we weren't bad..but we sure had fun..I wish I would have documented those days..wish we would had taken pictures..not one picture of those times...down at Perkiomen Creek on the other side..had to get there off of River road..onto a dirt road that took you to the other side of the damn..if we parked off the street that only meant we were gonna swing off the ropes that were tied to a couple of trees..into the river or lake..it was big ..country water..with a damn ...one freind died cause he tried to walk across it and lost his balance..am sure he was drunk..I wasn't there that night..we hung with all guys...local guys from around that way..country motorcycle bad ass boys..some were 16, some were 18 some were 30 and older..but no one ever disrespected us in any way..I wound up "going with" a boy named Bruce aka Boo..went with for awhile..but I know he was a player and I wasn't always around..we did have to go home and go to school sometimes..and any chance we found we were headed to Perkiomen Creek..there was always someone there...

This was all back in the good ole days...the 60's.I was 16 when Woodstock took place..me and Cathy couldnt go..to far and we had school...but her older brother Eddie went..so envious...

All the guys we hung with were po' folk...they lived in hand built homes back off the road a bit..some barely had indoor plumbing..sometimes ya had to go to the local gas station to go...we slept in the rain and woke up muddy..we always scrounged some money up to go to the local little diner and get some breakfast...or we just simply ate at someones home...food was plentiful and they were happy to share it...the more you ate the happier they were...we had so much fun...I actually was introduced to my first husband thru a friend we hung with...If I knew then what I know now..how things would be so different today..everything happens for a reason...so they say....wonder what ever happened to old Boo...looked him up on facebook ..no go...maybe one day...

The Big Screen On Clearspring Rd...

I have so many stories I dont even know where to start...not sure there is a starting point.

When my mind goes back to my childhood which it often does...the one thing that is so vivid and I'm not sure why.. is the walk up Clearspring Rd after school each day..I never wanted to be a movie star or anything, but I always thought I was on the big screen.At the end of this very long block was a huge water tower with the words Lansdale on it...I use to pretend that that was the big movie screen and I was on it just for walking up the block toward it....that was all the big screen attention I needed...

Its the same block that I walked when my first real love followed me home and chased me up after I broke up with him.. because I thought he was flirting with a girlfriend of mine after seeing him kiss her hand gentlemanly like..like out of a movie..thats the only place I ever saw that in real life..still to this day I havent seen it.. 41 years later....anyway he followed me all the way home..into my house..still wanting to know why I'm breaking up with him and he was upset and I was upset...My parents started jumping on me ..telling me to give him another chance ..I didn't and that was the end.
I always had long hair.That evening I cut my hair real short because this boy liked my long hair and I thought I was spiting him...he didnt like that I had cut..so I did get to him...but I hurt myself in the long run...haven't cut my hair short since..

I had a nice relationship with this boy ...we were young I guess I was 15 and I believe him to be 16 or 17...I won't mention names here just in case..we never did anything..we just made out when my parents went out...and I was babysitting my two younger brothers..we made out for hours...I went to New York..Staten Island with him and his parents to meet his grandparents.. (he was an only child)..and had a dog named Amy...loved Amy..she was a St bernard...beautiful ..big dog..

His mom made me a pair of really pretty bluish green angora gloves for Christmas ..that I remember...they were beautiful and warm...

Christmas came while we were together and I remember getting him Jimi Hendrix's new album at the time called ELECTRIC LADYLAND..thats what he wanted..I got it for him..my brother got him a carton of cigarettes..yeah he smoked...and some cologne or something...I forget what he got me...I lived on Clearspring .he lived on 7th street...after his visits to my home I would walk him part way home..up towards the tower(my house was only 3 houses away from the end of the block where the tower was) and thru a field that St Mary's Manor was on...It was some sort of nursing home I think..I used to know ...at the end of the grassy part he let go of my hand and we would kiss goodbye...he walked his way...and I remember watching him for a few seconds..I would turn around and walk back to my home....my whole family liked him...I liked him...and we are friends on facebook now..he's married..I am married although I've been separated since 1991..he's in a band and they play all the time..thats not what he did to earn money ..but he was always into music..I was glad to see he had been in a band all this time..I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life..and I still don't ..but I'm happy doing what I do..